


Eomma of the Household

by Midnite_Bells



Category: GOT7, Monsta X (Band), NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mentioned Bangtan Boys | BTS Ensemble, Mentioned GOT7 Ensemble, Mentioned Monsta X Ensemble, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Mentioned SEVENTEEN Ensemble, Mom Group Chat, Texting, emojis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:47:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnite_Bells/pseuds/Midnite_Bells
Summary: Jin: I don't know about you all but my members can't even decide what they want for dinner without initiating some kind of sexual tension and accusing me of being a terrible parentJin: so as the mother figure of the groupJin: I need some goddamn empathy or I will 100% leap out of the closet and shank my youngest child with this butter knife without questionJin: thank you and goodnightorA group chat of moms from various groups made specifically for lamenting the struggles of being the designated mom of their group and taking care/gossiping about the chaos that is their kids together
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 30
Kudos: 195





	1. And So It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, a few things before you jump in!
> 
> \- I'm aware this could include a whole lot more characters because every group has a mom figure BUT because of future plans for chapters down the road, this is only going to include moms who have members from the 97 line group chat (ASTRO will eventually show up at some point) and MONSTA X (they're the groups I'm most familiar with/there's no way I can write that many people all at once)
> 
> \- The tags will change later on once I add more to the story (expect some 97 Line, Maknae line chaos, and leader group chats to show up in the additional tags at some point)
> 
> \- There's no direction for this story, so expect some crack and one-shots in text format with no running plot. It's also pretty unrealistic (because I'm sure this doesn't exist in real life)
> 
> That's it for now. Get in there and enjoy!

~GOT7 Chat~

 **Jinyoung** : [ **Image** ]

 **Jinyoung** : **@BamBam** **@ Yugyeom** explain yourselves

 **Yugyeom** : ummmm

 **Mark** : is that a bunch of red solo cups?

 **Jinyoung** : mind explaining why they're duck taped to the floor?

 **BamBam** : well

 **BamBam** : funny thing

 **BamBam** : I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this video on some of the greatest bottle flipping challenges

 **Jinyoung** : oh god

 **Yugyeom** : so we decided to make our own!

 **Jackson** : without me?? 😟😟

 **Jackson** : I'm hurt that I'm excluded from these shenanigans

 **Yugyeom** : hyung you're all the way in Hong Kong

 **Jackson** : what if you guys get in a world record book or something?

 **Jackson** : I want in on that!

 **Jinyoung** : JACKSON WANG do not encourage this behavior

 **Mark** : lol

 **Mark** : send me a video I wanna see if you actually do it

 **Jinyoung** : are you fucking serious

 **BamBam** : oh yee of little faith Mark hyung

 **BamBam** : of course we'll do it

 **Yugyeom** : yeah hyung who do you take us for?

 **Jinyoung** : a bunch of morons

 **Jinyoung** : **@Jaebum** stop lurking and help me knock some sense into these idiots that we claimed as our children

 **JB** : yes nyoungie

 **JB** : **@Yuygeom** **@BamBam** clean these cups up before someone trips over them

 **Youngjae** : hey guys I'm going to the store

 **Youngjae** : anyone need anythdisnklkfhfl

 **Jinyoung** : like that

 **Yugyeom** : shit he isn't moving

 **Yugyeom** : Bam we might have killed him

 **JB** : you did WHAT?

 **Mark** : how does that even work?

 **Jackson** : what do you mean by MIGHT??

 **Jackson** : did you or did you not?

 **Yugyeom** : welp he ISNT BREATHING

 **Yugyeom** : SO MOST LIKELY YES

 **BamBam** : yikes rip Choi Youngjae 1996-2020

 **Mark** : rip

 **Jackson** : rip

 **Yugyeom** : rip

 **JB** : ...........

 **Jinyoung** : Im Jaebum don't you fucking dare

 **JB** : .... you know what screw it

 **JB** : rip

 **Jinyoung** : god I hate it here

~SEVENTEEN Chat~

 **Seungcheol** : WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S MISSING?!

 **Seungwkan** : I don't know!

 **Seungkwan** : one moment he was here with me and Seok at the shark exhibit next thing we know!

 **Seungkwan** : he!

 **Seungkwan** : just!

 **Seungkwan** : vanished!

 **Seokmin** : and we cant be BooSeokSoon without Soon! 😧

 **Minghao** : I'm sure you two can survive without him

 **Chan** : .... hyung? 😟

 **Minghao** : what?

 **Minghao** : no hoshi hyung means less yelling at dance practices

 **Seokmin** : Minghaaaaaao you're not helping!!

 **Wonwoo** : yeah he's not answering any of my texts

 **Seokmin** : omg what if he was eaten by a shark??

 **Vernon** : oh rip

 **Joshua** : it's fine, he's just lost

 **Joshua** : hopefully

 **Seungcheol** : HAS ANYONE CHECKED THE RESTROOMS

 **Seungkwan** : YES

 **Seungcheol** : THE FOOD COURT

 **Jihoon** : YES

 **Seungcheol** : THE ENTIRE COMPOUND

 **Jun** : YES

 **Seungcheol** : FUCKING FIND MY FRIENDS

 **Mingyu** : YES

 **Mingyu** : IT SAYS HES NOT SHARING HIS LOCATION

 **Seungcheol** : WTF

 **Minghao** : uh guys where's Jeonghan hyung?

 **Chan** : it says hyung's reading the messages

 **Seungcheol** : .... YOON JEONGHAN

 **Jeonghan** : heyyyyy

 **Jun** : anyone else read that in a very suspicious tone?

 **Seungcheol** : HAVE YOU SEEN HOSHI

 **Jeonghan** : oh have I

 **Jeonghan** : [ **Image** ]

 **Vernon** : uh, is that...

 **Mingyu** : and is he being chased by...

 **Jeonghan** : yep

 **Jeonghan** : and the door is LOCKED

 **Jeonghan** : I checked before almost getting my face scratched off

 **Wonwoo** : disappointed but not surprised

 **Jihoon** : god what an idiot

 **Seungcheol** : WELL DONT JUST STAND THERE

 **Seungcheol** : HELP HIM

 **Jeonghan** : um did you MISS the part where I almost got mauled by wild tigers?

 **Jeonghan** : I'm actually offended you think that little of me Cheol

 **Jeonghan** : you're a terrible husband 😠😤

 **Seungcheol** : 😑😑

 **Seungcheol** : just keep an eye on him I'll be over in a sec

 **Joshua** : LOL Seungcheol just started sprinting toward the tiger exhibit while glaring and cursing at Jeonghan through his phone

 **Joshua** : but he didn't see where he was going and ran into a flag pole

 **Jeonghan** : well deserved 😤😤😤

~MONSTAX Chat~

 **Kihyun** : ok

 **Kihyun** : I'm going to say this one and only once

 **Kihyun** : **@Hyungwon** if your ass isn't out here in the next fiVE MINUTES YOU ARE GOING TO WISH IT WAS WHEN I FIRST CAME IN THERE HALF AN HOUR AGO

 **Minhyuk** : oh damn mom went off

 **Changkyun** : whatever you did Hyungwon hyung you fucked up

 **Shownu** : ^^

 **Hyungwon** : I was asleep?

 **Kihyun** : yeah

 **Kihyun** : thirty minutes longer than you should've been

 **Kihyun** : now we don't have time to get coffee

 **Minhyuk** : wait wait wait

 **Jooheon** : no coffee?? 😧😟

 **Minhyuk** : hell no

 **Minhyuk** : I'm getting out of the car I don't think I can make it 20 hours without a cafe latte

 **Changkyun** : wait Minhyuk hyung isn't going??

 **Changkyun** : then I'm not going either

 **Shownu** : what

 **Shownu** : it's a mandatory meeting everyone is going

 **Jooheon** : but hyung...

 **Jooheon** : coffee 🥺

 **Shownu** : no no we'll stop to get some for you heonnie

 **Jooheon** : 😊

 **Changkyun** : bless Jooheon hyung and his aegyo ways saving our caffeine levels once again

 **Minhyuk** : all hail the aegyo king

 **Kihyun** : hey now that we established that your father is weak for Jooheon's aegyo and this group has a disturbing coffee addiction can we get back to me

 **Kihyun** : I don't remember "waking up a bunch of overgrown babies every day" being on my contract yet I always seem to be the only one who does it anyway

 **Jooheon** : that's because we're lazy and you love us too much to watch us get our asses beat by manager hyung ❤️❤️💕

 **Kihyun** : debatable

 **Changkyun** : uh guys why is Hyungwon not responding?

 **Minhyuk** : omg what if he fell back asleep

 **Kihyun** : he better not

 **Hyungwon** : um

 **Hyungwon** : YOU SPRAYED ME WITH MINHYUK HYUNG'S PERFUME

 **Hyungwon** : THEN HIT ME OVER THE HEAD WITH A PILLOW

 **Hyungwon** : TRUST ME I CAN'T FALL BACK ASLEEP AFTER THAT TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE

 **Kihyun** : and with the amount of stress you cause me before the day even starts you deserve so much worse

 **Hyungwon** : 😑 I'm suddenly tempted to stay in bed

 **Kihyun** : .......

 **Kihyun** : you know what I'm starting the 10 minute countdown

 **Kihyun** : if you're not down here and in this van we're leaving to get coffee without you

 **Hyungwon** : yeah right

 **Hyungwon** : you guys wouldn't leave me

 **Jooheon** : LOL Kihyun hyung just got out of the passenger seat and forced Shownu hyung to switch places with him

 **Jooheon** : he just started the ignition

 **Hyungwon** : 😧 SHIT NO WAIT I'M SORRY

 **Hyungwon** : I'M COMING

 **Minhyuk** : damn

 **Changkyun** : so don't mess with Kihyun hyung and his mom powers

 **Changkyun** : got it

 **Hyungwon** : SHOWNU HYUNG WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM

 **Shownu** : bold of you to assume I have actual parental authority in this relationship

 **Kihyun** : SEVEN MINUTES HYUNGWON

~NCT Chat~

 **Haechan** : hey mom

 **Taeyong** : yes?

 **Haechan** : not you Taeyong hyung the other parental figure in this chat

 **Haechan** : mommmmmm

 **Taeyong** : yah! I AM the mom of this group you brat!

 **Haechan** : sure you are hyung

 **Kun** : yes...?

 **Haechan** : no not you either Kun hyung

 **Haechan** : I forgot we have so many self proclaimed moms in here

 **Haechan** : **@Doyoung** GET IN HERE

 **Doyoung** : what do you want you ungrateful child I'm in the middle of something important

 **Mark** : crying over Boys Over Flowers for the twentieth time this week is not important hyung

 **Doyoung** : ok wow

 **Doyoung** : so did you actually have something to tell me or did you just want to call me out?

 **Haechan** : mom tell this hoe **@Mark** to apologize for almost lighting my hair on fire

 **Taeyong** : I'm sorry what?

 **Doyoung** : did you just call me mom?

 **Jaehyun** : he's been doing that the whole time mom

 **Jaehyun** : keep up

 **Mark** : ok that was not my fault it was Jisungs

 **Jisung** : excuse you why are you dragging me into this

 **Jisung** : I did nothing wrong

 **Mark** : nothing wrong?!

 **Mark** : you told me 'Mark hyung how fast can you catch Haechan hyung's hair on fire' and then gave me a candle to light Haechan's hair on fire with

 **Jisung** : but you went through with it

 **Mark** : and I admit it was kind of fun

 **Haechan** : you WHAT

 **Taeyong** : WHO GAVE THEM CANDLES

 **Johnny** : I did

 **Taeyong** : WHY

 **Johnny** : Jisung said he liked scented candles

 **Jisung** : it was for scientific purposes

 **Haechan** : tell that to my burnt hair follicles you candle wielding maniacs

 **WinWin** : wow big words

 **Doyoung** : hey back to the mom convo

 **Doyoung** : why are Haechan and Jaehyun saying I'm the mom

 **Haechan** : because you _are_ the mom?

 **Doyoung** : I am?

 **Taeyong** : he is?

 **Kun** : he is?

 **Renjun** : duh of course he is

 **Renjun** : Doyoung's the mom, Taeyong's the dad and Kun hyung's the chinese aunt thats always around to cook chinese food and babysit us when Doyoung and Taeyong are out

 **Renjun** : I thought this was established already

 **Jeno** : ^

 **Jaemin** : ^^

 **Chenle** : ^^^

 **Jisung** : ^^^^

 **YangYang** : ^^^^^

 **Kun** : betrayed by my own children

 **Kun** : I am hurt 😟

 **Doyoung** : no take it hyung I don't want them

 **Haechan** : you don't want us?!

 **Haechan** : ARE YOU SAYING YOU DON'T LOVE US ANYMORE MOM? HUH?

 **Lucas** : are you TRYING to tear this family apart??

 **Taeyong** : guys leave your mom alone

 **Doyoung** : wait I thought you wanted to be the mom?!

 **Taeyong** : I do

 **Taeyong** : all three of us can be moms

 **Yuta** : hmmm I don't think that's how family dynamics work

 **Ten** : yeah there can only be one mom in this family 😏

 **Johnny** : yo is there going to be a mom battle

 **Doyoung** : no

 **Doyoung** : no there isn't

 **Doyoung** : stop encouraging this chaos

 **Haechan** : ALL IN FAVOR OF DOYOUNG AS THE MOM SAY I

 **Haechan** : I!

 **Lucas** : I!

 **Jaehyun** : I

 **Johnny** : I

 **Jungwoo** : I

 **Doyoung** : Jungwoo I had faith in you

 **Jungwoo** : sorry hyung but I am a man loyal to the truth

 **Yuta** : I

 **Sungchan** : I

 **Shotaro** : I

 **Taeil** : wait what are we 'I'ing?

 **Haechan** : that Doyoung's a mom

 **Taeil** : oh

 **Taeil** : I

 **Mark** : I

 **Haechan** : no one asked you, hair murder

 **Mark** : ☹️

 **YangYang** : I

 **YangYang** : WinWin and Ten hyungs also say I

 **WinWin** : we do?

 **Ten** : just smile and go along with it

 **Ten** : its easier to deal with YangYang that way

 **WinWin** : yeah we totally do 😬

 **Hendery** : I

 **Hendery** : I - Xiaojun

 **Renjun** : I

 **Renjun** : and I speak for rest of the dreamies as well

 **Jeno** : ^

 **Taeyong** : .........

 **Taeyong** : well I guess that settles that

 **Doyoung** : what

 **Kun** : dang

 **Kun** : congrats hyung

 **Haechan** : WE LOVE YOU MOM

 **Lucas** : LOVE YOU MOM

 **Doyoung** : you all are officially canceled

~BTS Chat~

 **Jin** : ok children what do you want for dinner

 **Jin** : and no **@Taehyung** we are not having pizza for the fifth night in a row

 **Taehyung** : 😲😟 how'd you know I was gonna ask??

 **Jin** : mother's intuition obviously

 **Jimin** : or it's because we had pizza last night

 **Namjoon** : and the night before

 **Yoongi** : and this whole week because Jin was too lazy to make actual food

 **Taehyung** : hey there is nothing wrong with having pizza everyday!

 **Jimin** : there is when your room is literally littered with pizza boxes

 **Jimin** : how Namjoon hyung was able to live with that for three years and make it out alive is beyond me

 **Namjoon** : honestly I'm surprised I made it this far too

 **Taehyung** : I can't believe you're exposing me in the group chat like this min

 **Taehyung** : my best friend would never ✋🏻

 **Jimin** : who said I'm your best friend?

 **Taehyung** : well you're not anymore 😠

 **Hoseok** : oh damn

 **Hoseok** : vmin drama back at it again

 **Taehyung** : anyone want a best friend? I suddenly have a spare

 **Yoongi** : best friends with Jimin?

 **Yoongi** : no thanks

 **Taehyung** : oh right, you want to be something more than best friends 😉

 **Jimin** : aaaand that's enough out of you Tae

 **Yoongi** : Kim Taehyung don't make me come over there and strangle you

 **Hoseok** : did you guys seriously send that at the same time?

 **Jungkook** : guys

 **Jungkook** : food

 **Jin** : thank you kookie

 **Jin** : the only reasonable one here I swear

 **Hoseok** : mother's intuition?

 **Jin** : it's a gift

 **Jungkook** : I bet it was your mother's intuition to leave me at the grocery store yesterday too

 **Jin** : 😟😧

 **Jin** : you brat

 **Jin** : I can see Namjoon doing something stupid like that but I'm responsible enough to not abandon my own child at a place that lacks means of survival

 **Namjoon** : gee really feeling the love there Jinnie

 **Jungkook** : hyung

 **Jungkook** : it was just the two of us who went yesterday

 **Jungkook** : also it's the grocery store it's literally filled with food

 **Jin** : and now you're back talking?!

 **Jin** : I didn't raise you like this kook-ah

 **Jungkook** : um you didn't raise me though?

 **Jin** : .........

 **Namjoon** : well damn kook

 **Jungkook** : gUYS GUYS JIN HYUNG IS WALKING TOWARDS ME

 **Jungkook** : HE JUST GRABBED A BUTTER KNIFE

 **Taehyung** : it was okay knowing you

 **Jimin** : have a good one

 **Hoseok** : good luck kook

 **Hoseok** : ooh maybe he'll take you out in two minutes this time instead of three

 **Jungkook** : hyung ☹️

 **Yoongi** : bet

 **Jungkook** : HYUNG ☹️

 **Yoongi** : don't 'hyung' me

 **Yoongi** : I told you multiple times to not mess around when I'm working and did you listen?

 **Yoongi** : no

 **Yoongi** : so this is payback and if Jin won't finish the job I will

 **Jungkook** : but I'm only a child 😢

 **Jimin** : lol that's a good one kook

 **Jungkook** : stfu Jimin my life is on the line and Jin hyung and his butter knife could be anywhere

 **Namjoon** : and whose fault is that?

 **Jungkook** : 😑

 **Taehyung** : speaking of shouldn't hyung have already found Jungkook by now?

 **Jimin** : yeah its been five minutes

 **Jimin** : his mom senses are slower than normal

 **Jungkook** : HA I LIVE ANOTHER DAY

 **Hoseok** : damn

 **Yoongi** : I expect my money by the end of the day

 **Namjoon** : maybe he gave up...?

 **Jimin** : yeah right

 **Jimin** : hyung didn't raise quitters so there's no way he's one himself

 **Namjoon** : no you're right the words sounded fake the moment I hit send

[ ** _Jin_ added _Jinyoung_ to the chat!**]

[ ** _Jin_ added _Jeonghan_ to the chat!**]

[ ** _Jin_ added _Kihyun_ to the chat!**]

[ ** _Jin_ added _Doyoung_ to the chat!**]

 **Jin** : ok lets skip formalities

 **Jin** : I don't know about you all but my members can't even decide what they want for dinner without initiating some kind of sexual tension and accusing me of being a bad parent

 **Jin** : so as the mother figure of the group

 **Jin** : I need some goddamn empathy or I will 100% leap of the closet and shank my youngest child with this butter knife without question

 **Jin** : thank you and goodnight

 **Jinyoung** : same but my two apparently killed Youngjae with solo cups

 **Doyoung** : wait someone died?

[ ** _Doyoung_ left the chat!**]

[ ** _Jin_ added _Doyoung_ to the chat!**]

 **Doyoung** : nope get me out of here

 **Doyoung** : I'm too young to be associated with murder

 **Kihyun** : well I think this is the fifth time this week we were late for our meeting with our manager and almost missed our coffee run because Hyungwon refused to get out of bed in time

 **Jeonghan** : it's just the tiger exhibit!

 **Jeonghan** : you think some people can maintain some self control when they visit the zoo

 **Jeonghan** : but NO

 **Doyoung** : a tiger exhibit??

 **Jeonghan** : YEP

 **Jeonghan** : MY CHILD HAS LOCKED HIMSELF IN THE TIGER EXHIBIT AND IS CURRENTLY BEING CHASED BY SAID TIGERS AND THERE ISN'T A ZOOKEEPER AROUND

 **Jeonghan** : WHAT KIND OF ZOO DOESN'T HAVE ZOOKEEPERS

 **Jin** : an undermanaged one

 **Doyoung** : please PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one confused and slightly terrified

 **Kihyun** : thank god its not just me

 **Jin** : well

 **Jin** : I put all the numbers from members who are considered the mom figures that I had in my contacts in a group chat so I could rant about my misbehaving children

 **Jin** : but it looks like you guys are also having mom problems too

 **Jin** : so we can rant about our misbehaving children together

 **Doyoung** : oh god not you guys too

 **Jin** : ?

 **Doyoung** : my members are saying that I'm the official mom of the group for some reason

 **Jinyoung** : youre joking right?

 **Jeonghan** : ^

 **Kihyun** : ^

 **Doyoung** : ??

 **Jin** : it's because you have mom vibes

 **Doyoung** : mom vibes?

 **Doyoung** : what does that even mean?

 **Kihyun** : Johnny walking into a thunderstorm with no protection except for a metal bucket on his head

 **Jeonghan** : Mark trying to cook

 **Jinyoung** : Lucas Hendery and Haechan.

 **Jinyoung** : in the same room.

 **Doyoung** : huh

 **Doyoung** : suddenly I have a migraine and I felt my heart rate increase by 200 bpm

 **Doyoung** : is this normal?

 **Jin** : see?

 **Jin** : worrying excessively about the well being of your kids is the number one sign that you have mom vibes

 **Doyoung** : please spare me

 **Jeonghan** : stop trying to deny your destiny young aegi

 **Doyoung** : don't you have some tigers to deal with?

 **Jeonghan** : shush

 **Kihyun** : anyways

 **Kihyun** : I think this is an acceptable move **@Jin** and I'm absolutely down for it

 **Jeonghan** : I agree

 **Jeonghan** : with the amount of chaos my ELEVEN kids come up with

 **Jeonghan** : it *exhausts* me 😞

 **Jinyoung** : aren't you the reason for like half of those incidents in the first place?

 **Jeonghan** : not important

 **Jinyoung** : right

 **Jinyoung** : give me one reason why I should stay and not back the hell out while I still can

 **Jin** : sure

 **Jin** : you're sarcastic, constantly questioning your existence, and simultaneously suffering through and handling the living torments that are your children

 **Kihyun** : bitch you belong here

 **Jeonghan** : and we love you

 **Jeonghan** : ❤️❤️❤️

 **Doyoung** : well I was going to say that if I can't leave this godforsaken place then you can't either

 **Doyoung** : but yeah that too

 **Jinyoug** : true

 **Jinyoung** : fine I'll stay

 **Jinyoung** : also watch it rookie I can and will drag you through the mud if I need to

 **Jin** : glad we're all on the same page

[ ** _Jin_ changed the chat name to _Eomma of the Household_** ]

 **Doyoung** : ..... I have some objections

 **Kihyun** : nope

 **Jinyoung** : nope

 **Jeonghan** : nope

 **Jin** : nope

 **Jin** : you're one of us now babe

 **Jin** : no takebacks

 **Doyoung** : goddamnit


	2. Drunkenness and Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where someone gets drunk and someone's relationship is discussed (but not at the same time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The brainstorming my friend and I went through to get this written is immeasurable. I literally don't think I could've written this without her. 
> 
> I hope you guys like it!

~Eomma of the Household Chat~

 **Jeonghan** : so I know we aren't super close or anything

 **Jeonghan** : but I just want you guys to know that you are the sweetest canythings in the whole universe

 **Jeonghan** : the sprinkles of sugar on my tasters

 **Jinyoung** : the fuck

 **Jin** : uh you good Jeonghan?

 **Jeonghan** : of course Jon why wouldn't I be???

 **Jin** : ...

 **Jin** : my name is Jin

 **Jeonghan** : same difference

 **Doyoung** : ....

 **Doyoung** : you know as much as I want this to simply be part of the trauma caused by members teaming up against me and trying to stage a coup

 **Doyoung** : I know my brain is too sober for that to be true

 **Jeonghan** : (ಥ﹏ಥ) can't I just tell you guys that you all are the cherries to my pancakes??

 **Kihyun** : that's not even the right phrasing

 **Jeonghan** : I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.

 **Jin** : um

 **Jin** : we love you too

 **Jeonghan** : Jon what happened to my innocent kids??

 **Jeonghan** : they all grew up and became thirsty as hell 😭😭😭😭😭

 **Kihyun** : I'm pretty sure you can't talk since you're like the worst one out of all of them

 **Jeonghan** : I AM A GOOD PERSON

 **Jinyoung** : ok wtf is going on with you?

 **Jeonghan** : nothing what's going on with YOU??

 **Doyoung** : wait a minute

 **Doyoung** : aren't you and the rest of Seventeen having a party for celebrating your latest comeback right now?

 **Jin** : 😲 are you drunk???

 **Jeonghan** : you have no proof

 **Kihyun** : well calling your tastebuds tasters and us candythings and the cherries to your pancakes might've tipped us off

 **Jeonghan** : KIHYYYYUN

 **Jeonghan** : YOUR KIDS ARE ANGELS AND I'M SO JEALOUS

 **Jeonghan** : HOW DO YOU AND SHOWNU D

 **Kihyun** : uh... Jeonghan?

 **Kihyun** : **@Jeonghan**

 **Jinyoung** : **@Jeonghan**

 **Jin** : **@Jeonghan**

 **Doyoung** : **@Jeonghan**

 **Jinyoung** : oh shit he actually died

 **Jeonghan** : hey

 **Jin** : JEONGHAN

 **Jin** : YOU'RE ALIVE

 **Jeonghan** : uh actually it's Vernon from Seventeen

 **Jeonghan** : Jeonghan hyung had a bit too much to drink tonight so he's being a bit more affectionate than usual

 **Jinyoung** : yeah no kidding

 **Kihyun** : if this is how he is when he's drunk I'm concerned for what he's like when he's sober

 **Jin** : is he alright?

 **Jeonghan** : yeah he's fine

 **Jeonghan** : he just passed out on the couch mid text

 **Jeonghan** : [ **Image** ]

 **Jin** : Aww he looks so adorable cuddled up against Soonyoung like that

 **Doyoung** : I am SO keeping this for blackmail

 **Jinyoung** : two different kinds of people

 **Jin** : Kim Doyoung

 **Jeonghan** : yo I got tons more on him if you want it

 **Doyoung** : ... dm me

 **Jin** : KIM DOYOUNG

 **Doyoung** : what

 **Doyoung** : don't act like you aren't curious either

 **Kihyun** : he's got you there hyung

 **Jin** : I'm...

 **Jin** : LISTEN

 **Jeonghan** : anyways

 **Jeonghan** : I was starting to help Joshua hyung take him and the others back to their rooms when I saw his phone vibrating like crazy

 **Jeonghan** : so I figured I should text you guys since you seem worried

 **Jin** : aww

 **Jin** : if you weren't so determined to expose your mom I'd say you're a responsible son

 **Jeonghan** : lol that's pretty typical within our group chat too

 **Kihyun** : I'm sure it's nothing we're not used to

 **Jinyoung** : ^

 **Jeonghan** : oh I gotta go Joshua hyung's calling

 **Jeonghan** : night guys 

**Jinyoung** : good night

 **Doyoung** : night Vernon!

 **Jin** : goodnight ~

**Jeonghan** : ok I just scrolled up

 **Jeonghan** : **@Doyoung** if you don't delete that photo and who knows what else Vernon sent you off your phone I will find you and delete them myself

 **Doyoung** : I'd like to see you try old man

 **Jeonghan** : 😧

 **Jinyoung** PFFT

 **Kihyun** : get roasted

 **Jin** : oh boy

~

 **Jeonghan** : [ **Image** ]

 **Jeonghan** : what's up hoes 😎

 **Jin** : WHY IS YOUR ARM IN THE VENDING MACHINE

 **Kihyun** : ARE YOU OKAY

 **Jeonghan** : calm down you gays I'm fine

 **Jinyoung** : are you really though?

 **Jeonghan** : eh that's debatable but shush

 **Doyoung** : *guys

 **Jeonghan** : *gays

 **Jeonghan** : I know what I meant aegi 😑

 **Doyoung** : don't you already have one of those?

 **Doyoung** : also how do you know we're all gay??

 **Jeonghan** : uh because we are?

 **Jeonghan** : right?

 **Jin** : yep

 **Jinyoung** : yep

 **Kihyun** : bisexual but yep

 **Doyoung** : but I'm not gay?

 **Jeonghan** : 😧😧 what do you mean you're not gay?!

 **Jin** : what about Taeyong??!

 **Doyoung** : what about him?

 **Jinyoung** : aren't you guys dating?

 **Doyoung** : no???

 **Jin** : but

 **Jin** : you're the mom

 **Doyoung** : yeah

 **Jin** : and he's the leader

 **Doyoung** : yeah...

 **Doyoung** : aren't those just our positions in the group?

 **Doyoung** : what does that have to do with being gay and having a relationship with Taeyong?

 **Jin** : oh you poor oblivious child

 **Jeonghan** : THAT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT

 **Jeonghan** : YOU HAVE TO ESTABLISH A RELATIONSHIP SO YOU CAN LEGALLY FIGHT FOR THE KIDS IF YOU DIVORCE

 **Jinyoung** : yeah I'm not sure if you know this Doyoung but you have 21 kids

 **Jinyoung** : there's a pretty high chance you could lose one in foster care

 **Doyoung** : um I'm not sure if you guys forgot

 **Doyoung** : but I diDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE THE MOM IN THE FIRST PLACE

 **Doyoung** : MY MEMBERS FORCED THE TITLE ON ME

 **Jeonghan** : of course they did

 **Jeonghan** : what kind of kids would voluntarily watch the unresolved sexual tension between their parents and NOT do anything about it?

 **Doyoung** : fucking hell

 **Doyoung** : **@Kihyun** hyung back me up here

 **Kihyun** : I mean

 **Kihyun** : I hate to break it to you Doyoungie but you're not that subtle

 **Doyoung** : wow

 **Kihyun** : BUT we should focus on how Jeonghan's hand is still trapped in the vending machine

 **Jin** : 😑 fine

 **Jin** : **@Doyoung** this conversation is NOT over

 **Doyoung** : yeah yeah whatever

 **Jinyoung** : **@Jeonghan** do your members know you're stuck?

 **Jeonghan** : yeah

 **Jeonghan** : the others are trying to find maintenance to unlock and dismantle the machine

 **Jeonghan** : but I haven't heard anything from any of them like in forever

 **Jeonghan** : unloyal hoes 😤

 **Kihyun** : ok how is that even possible

 **Jeonghan** : well first I shook and kicked the machine a couple times and when that didn't work I knelt down and reached my arm up the flap

 **Jeonghan** : then I realized it was stuck when I tried to pull it out

 **Jeonghan** : it's pretty self explanatory if you ask me

 **Kihyun** : no I meant how the hell are you texting with one hand for so long and NOT dying from sitting in an uncomfortable position for so long?

 **Jeonghan** : superior skills obviously

 **Doyoung** : hyung why did you even stick your arm up there in the first place??

 **Jeonghan** : look

 **Jeonghan** : I spent all my remaining pocket change on the last bag of chips

 **Jeonghan** : so I fully intend on getting and eating them no matter who or what stands in my way

 **Jin** : ...

 **Kihyun** : ...

 **Doyoung** : ...

[ ** _Doyoung_ left the chat!**]

[ _ **Jinyoung**_ **added _Doyoung_ to the chat!**]

 **Jinyoung** : get back here and suffer like the rest of us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jin is right - this is not the end of the topic on Doyoung and Taeyong's relationship ;)


	3. Freedom and Disappearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where someone has a new beginning and celebrations are in order

~Eomma of the Household~

 **Jeonghan** : JINYOUNG MY CHILD I HEARD THE NEWS

 **Jeonghan** : CONGRATS ON ESCAPING FROM THAT PLACE MY SON

 **Jinyoung** : you're younger than me

 **Jeonghan** : technicalities

 **Jeonghan** : what matters now is that you're FREE

 **Jin** : damn Jeonghan beat me to it

 **Jin** : also we all know if Jinyoung was anyone's child he would be my child

 **Jinyoung** : I'm no one's child??

 **Kihyun** : congrats on the new contract Jinyoung

 **Doyoung** : congrats hyung! You and the other members deserve it!

 **Jinyoung** : thanks guys

 **Jinyoung** : I swear if we were stuck there any longer I actually might drag that man through real dirt for the amount of disrespect we would've had to endure

 **Jeonghan** : YES JINYOUNG

 **Jeonghan** : TELL IT LIKE IT IS

 **Kihyun** : you're really invested in this despite the news not being about you

 **Jeonghan** : what can I say I like my tea how I describe myself

 **Jeonghan** : smoking hot

 **Jinyoung** : ....

 **Doyoung** : not even five minutes into this conversation and Jeonghan is already canceled

 **Jin** : **@Jinyoung** you signed with BH Entertainment right?

 **Jin** : as your hyung I demand exclusive tickets for any and all future movie premieres

 **Kihyun** : I'm not sure if Jinyoung really has authority over that kind of thing

 **Jinyoung** : I'm pretty sure I don't

 **Doyoung** : anyway

 **Doyoung** : we should go celebrate!!

 **Jeonghan** : hell yes!!! 🤩

 **Jinyoung** : wait

 **Jinyoung** : you want to meet in person??

 **Jin** : anybody have any location ideas?

 **Jin** : preferably not somewhere like a bar, I don't think we're ready to handle a drunk Jeonghan in person yet

 **Jeonghan** : 😧 excuse you I was not that bad

 **Kihyun** : do we seriously need to scroll back up to that conversation?

 **Doyoung** : I still have that blackmail Vernon sent me

 **Jeonghan** : I still can't believe my own son betrayed me like that 😞

 **Jinyoung** : ok sure just ignore the person you're planning this celebration for

 **Doyoung** : I know an ahjussi who owns a puppy cafe in Hongdae!

 **Jeonghan** : IN

 **Jin** : ^

 **Kihyun** : ^

 **Jinyoung** : guys

 **Jinyoung** : I have dinner plans with Jackson tonight

 **Jin** : relax we'll only be gone for a couple of hours

 **Kihyun** : I'm on my way

 **Kihyun** : you guys have 10 minutes to be ready and out the door

 **Jinyoung** : good lord

~GOT7 Chat~

 **Jackson** : has anyone heard from Jinyoung??

 **Jackson** : we were supposed to get dinner together but he hasn't shown

 **BamBam** : is his schedule running late?

 **Jackson** : Bam he told us that he's taking a couple of days off before he starts filming anything

 **BamBam** : please you think Yug and I pay attention to you old people and your old people conversations?

 **JB** : clearly not

 **Youngjae** : maybe he ran into traffic?

 **JB** : no I was just on the highway and there weren't any accidents

 **JB** : and rush hour was over hours ago

 **Mark** : yeah I just tried calling him and it's going straight to voicemail

 **Youngjae** : a whole night without Jinyoung??!

 **Yugyeom** : a whole night without mom??!

 **Yugyeom** : do you know what this means??

 **Mark** : that you and BamBam are going to cause chaos because Jinyoung isn't here and JB is too weak to stop you?

 **Yugyeom** : exactly!

 **Yugyeom** : Bam go grab the shovel!

 **JB** : YUGBAM NO

 **BamBam** : YUGBAM YES

~BTS Group Chat~

 **Namjoon** : has anyone seen Jin??

 **Namjoon** : he hasn't been answering any of my texts or calls all afternoon

 **Yoongi** : he isn't at the dorms?

 **Taehyung** : no it's just me and Jimin here

 **Jimin** : he could be at the dance studio with Kook and Hobi hyung?

 **Hosoek** : nope we just finished up

 **Namjoon** : and he isn't with you **@Yoongi**?

 **Yoongi** : no I figured he was making dinner like he usually does

 **Yoongi** : you know how he is with routine and all that

 **Jungkook** : speaking of moms Yugyeom just texted me that Jinyoung is also missing

 **Jungkook** : he and Bam just asked if I wanted to go look for buried treasure at Seoul Park

 **Jimin** : at this time of night??

 **Namjoon** : **@Jungkook** I know I'm not as powerful as Jin but PLEASE don't' destroy public property

 **Hoseok** : too late

 **Hoseok** : Yugyeom and BamBam just pulled Kook into the backseat before driving off and laughing like maniacs

 **Namjoon** : oh no

~SEVENTEEN Chat~

 **Jihoon** : Soonyoung and I are dating

 **Seungkwan** : you're WHAT

 **Seokmin** : HOLY SHIT

 **Mingyu** : congrats!!

 **Vernon** : you know I thought Jeonghan hyung would be like the first person to respond to this kind of news

 **Chan** : 😯 you're right

 **Jun** : **@Jeonghan** HYUNG GET IN HERE WHILE THE SOONHOON TEA IS STILL HOT

 **Jihoon** : and my point is proven

 **Chan** : ??

 **Jihoon** : I've been trying to find Jeonghan all afternoon so he can record his part for the EP but no luck

 **Jihoon** : him not responding to this only further confirms my suspicions

 **Soonyoung** : wait so we aren't dating??

 **Wonwoo** : wow

 **Jihoon** : Soonyoung we discussed this

 **Minghao** : goddamnit this why I have trust issues

 **Joshua** : huh he's not picking up my calls

 **Seungcheol** : so you're telling me

 **Seungcheol** : no one knows where Jeonghan is??

 **Seungkwan** : ..... yes?

 **Seungcheol** : oh god

~MONSTA X Chat~

 **Hyungwon** : something's wrong

 **Jooheon** : ??

 **Jooheon** : out of nowhere?

 **Hyungwon** : it sounds crazy but trust me

 **Hyungwon** : I have this... feeling

 **Jooheon** : are you sure it's not indigestion or something?

 **Hyungwon** : what

 **Hyungwon** : no

 **Hyungwon** : at least I'm pretty sure it's not

 **Shownu** : as the other person in this dorm I hope it's not

 **Minhyuk** : GUYS KIHYUN IS MISSING

 **Hyungwon** : oh damn my hunch wasn't indigestion

 **Shownu** : he's missing??

 **Minhyuk** : there's a sticky note on the fridge saying he'll be back by seven

 **Minhyuk** : but he ISN'T HERE

 **Jooheon** : he could've just gone out

 **Changkyun** : his phone goes straight to voicemail

 **Changkyun** : hyung always keeps his phone on whenever we're alone just in case he gets any calls from the police or the hospital

 **Shownu** : ok that's concerning

~NCT Chat~

 **Taeyong** : what do you mean Doyoung's gone??!

 **Jaehyun** : I mean no one's seen him since this afternoon

 **Jaehyun** : and no one knows where he went

 **Yuta** : he's not answering his phone either

 **Mark** : 😯 spoopy

 **Taeyong** : he's not at the studios?

 **Renjun** : we were just there and didn't see him

 **Taeyong** : the dorms??

 **Kun** : he's not here

 **Johnny** : he's not in his room

 **Taeyong** : grocery store crew???

 **Xiaojun** : sorry hyung we finished shopping hours ago

 **Jungwoo** : also Doyoung hyung was 127's rep last time

 **Taeyong** : WHERE THE FUCK COULD HE HAVE DISAPPEARED TO THEN

~Eomma of the Household~

 **Jinyoung** : if I ever decide to hang out with you people in person again

 **Jinyoung** : someone shank me

 **Jeonghan** : aww you're just salty that the puppies peed on you by accident

 **Jinyoung** : so you decided to prolong my pain by asking if we could stay until closing?!

 **Jeonghan** : um of course!

 **Jin** : it's good for the business and who knows when we'll get to go to a puppy cafe again

 **Doyoung** : actually

 **Doyoung** : the ahjussi really liked you guys for some reason and said we could come back whenever

 **Kihyun** : really?

 **Doyoung** : yeah I can't believe it either

 **Kihyun** : that man is a saint

 **Jinyoung** : truly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahgasaes how we doing? I know emotions are high and probably all over the place, but the boys are still here for us even if they aren't together at the moment. Remember, 7 for 7, 7 or Nothing!!
> 
> \- Sorry this update took a bit longer to write. I'm starting uni this week, so the updates will probably come out a bit slower, but I'll try to update as best I can!
> 
> -And finally, did I mention I was accepting requests for this crackfest? ;)


	4. Discussions and Traumatic Experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where serious matters are discussed and someone gets traumatized

~Eomma of the Household~

 **Jin** : so

 **Jin** : now that we're a bit more comfortable with each other

 **Jin** : there are matters we need to discuss

 **Doyoung** : matters?

 **Kihyun** : ??

 **Jin** : we are the established mom figures of our respective groups and revealed that we are all extremely gay

 **Jinyoung** : please don't tell me this is going where I think it's going

 **Jin** : oh yes

 **Jin** : who are your celebrity crushes?? 😄

 **Doyoung** : hyung why

 **Kihyun** : I know we're self proclaimed moms, but isn't this a bit much...?

 **Jin** : but we need to bond!

 **Jin** : how can we be close friends and supportive of each other's endeavors if we don't share this kind of information with each other

 **Jinyoung** : I think we'll manage just fine

 **Jeonghan** : so 100 percent would not mind having TOP randomly pin me down and doing whatever he wants

 **Doyoung** : hyung WHY

 **Jeonghan** : um have you HEARD his voice?

 **Jeonghan** : there's a reason why that man is in the top 14 for the most unique voices in the industry

 **Jeonghan** : not to mention his eyes

 **Jin** : I mean, who wouldn't have a crush on that guy?

 **Jeonghan** : right??

 **Jeonghan** : everything about him is just so FINE

 **Kihyun** : if I didn't know you were in a happily committed relationship with Seungcheol I'd suspect something

 **Jinyoung** : fuck that I am suspecting something

 **Jeonghan** : don't worry we discussed this topic very early in the relationship

 **Jeonghan** : "the first step to establishing strong relationship goals is to openly share who that one person in the industry is who's just as hot as your significant other"

 **Jeonghan** : it's one of the valuable lessons we want to pass onto our children as they find true love

 **Jin** : aww that's so sweet

 **Doyoung** : that's... something

 **Jinyoung** : ok can someone please save this poor excuse for a conversation

 **Jinyoung** : **@Kihyun** hyung?

 **Kihyun** : uh

 **Kihyun** : IU is pretty cute I guess

 **Doyoung** : I don't think that's what he meant

 **Jinyoung** : it wasn't

 **Jeonghan** ; Kihyun WHAT

 **Kihyun** : why are you surprised? I did say I was bisexual

 **Kihyun** : guess you were too busy thinking about TOP and his eyes to remember that

 **Doyoung** : PFFT

 **Jinyoung** : damn salty

 **Jinyoung** : which is saying a lot coming from me

 **Jeonghan** : nooo that's not true!!

 **Kihyun** : it wasn't that long ago

 **Jeonghan** : listen

 **Jeonghan** : you're right

 **Jeonghan** : but I promise I'll be better

 **Jeonghan** : I'm not Cheol

 **Jin** : HA take that Jeonghan's boyfriend who isn't here to defend himself

 **Jinyoung** : morons

 **Jinyoung** : I'm in a chat filled with morons

 **Doyoung** : 😧 I personally take offense to that statement

 **Jin** : now now, play nice kids

 **Doyoung** : wait Jin hyung who's your crush?

 **Doyoung** : since you started this whole mess in the first place

 **Jin** : oh

 **Jin** : it's Super Junior's Donghae hands down

 **Jin** : any other answer is wrong and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise

 **Jeonghan** : fair

 **Jinyoung** : fair

 **Kihyun** : fair

 **Doyoung** : fair

~

 **Jeonghan** : oH MY GOD

 **Doyoung** : ????

 **Jin** : what's wrong? Is everything okay?

 **Jin** : who do I need to call the ambulance on?

 **Jinyoung** : what did you do this time?

 **Doyoung** : two kinds of people

 **Jeonghan** : JUST

 **Jeonghan** : PLEASE END ME

 **Kihyun** : my god I can hear you screaming through my phone screen

 **Kihyun** : it's 5:30 in the morning and my day off

 **Kihyun** : let me live

 **Jeonghan** : [ **Image failed to send** ]

 **Jeonghan** : [ **Image failed to send** ]

 **Jeonghan** : FUCK YOU KOREA TELECOM

 **Jeonghan** : WHY

 **Doyoung** : did you walk in on Mingyu and Wonwoo aggressively making out or something

 **Jeonghan** : NOT this time thankfully

 **Jin** : this time??

 **Jin** : there were other times??

 **Jinyoung** : it's Jeonghan

 **Jinyoung** : are you that surprised?

 **Jeonghan** : bitch -

 **Jeonghan** : JUNHUI'S GOT MINGHAO CORNERED AGAINST THE BED FRAME WITH A FUCKING CONDOM IN HIS HAND AND IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE TRYING SOMETHING KINKY WITH IT

 **Jeonghan** : the last time I checked I DID NOT REMEMBER RAISING SUCH HORNY KIDS

 **Doyoung** : really

 **Doyoung** : I was doing just fine without seeing that in my head

 **Kihyun** : WHY did you take a picture

 **Jinyoung** : WHY did you try to send it HERE

 **Jeonghan** : HA bold of you to assume I'm going to suffer this traumatic experience alone

 **Jeonghan** : if I'm going down you all are coming down with me

 **Jin** : I'm not sure if I should be proud or horrified we're all close enough to share this kind of information with each other

 **Kihyun** : I mean

 **Kihyun** : one of the first things he did in this chat was drunk text us and take a picture of his arm trapped in a vending machine

 **Doyoung** : so... horrified

 **Doyoung** : you should be horrified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Rises from the grave after a month of silence and posts a chapter at 1:30 in the morning* Ever have that moment where you become obsessed with another fandom and completely neglect the one work you're working on as a result? Couldn't be me.
> 
> Slowly getting back into the groove of things with this story. Thankfully I have some ideas written out to help ease my way back into a somewhat more regular update schedule, so I'll try my best not to leave you guys hanging for a month ~


End file.
